Great day! Got a lot done and prepared for next week's Broadway Camps. Help Susan run recital. Connected with Erin, one of our instructors who I used to teach when she was in High School. And the best part of the day was when my lovely student Troy Johnson sang at the recital. She was so nervous and I did not know if she was going to do it. But she did and she did AWESOME!! She sounded beautiful and I wanted to cry! She was still not happy with it but she should be proud. She did a great job!
Another special moment was watching the hula class do a beautiful hula routine to the song Bright. I recorded it because I thought of Auntie April and her grandma who just passed on. I imagined her grandma now as a bright star in the night sky.
Level: 4
Frequency: Gaps
Friday, June 19, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
June 18th 2015
Today went by really fast. It was definitely a packed day. I had my last day in childcare for the Summer. I am a little sad, but I will be back so it's ok. Did some errands and then headed straight to the auditorium for dress rehearsal for KIU Recital. That was a little crazy, there always has to be some sort of drama. But overall it went well.
Something hit me however as I was watching the kids. I started to get the itch. I always get this itch. I looked at the girls dancing and I realized how lucky they were to be in that moment and how in many ways that moment has passed for me. They are in the best shape of their lives, getting to wear costumes, their parents pay for everything, they didn't have to go through some rigorous auditioning process laced with failure, self-doubt and hatred, finished with a sucker punch to the ego. They are in essence free and innocent. That is a beautiful thing. What may be more beautiful is that they have no idea, they are completely unaware of this. And even if someone, like me, were to tell them, they would have no concept of it whatsoever. What a sweet life ignorance is.
So I am sitting there thinking all of these thoughts, yearning to be out there. But although I have felt this many times and thought similar thoughts before, here is the one thought that had never occurred. Why? Why do I so desperately feel the need to be there? Do I feel the need even to be there or just somewhere? And then it hit me. The specifics don't matter. Dancing on stage, singing on Broadway, working for a major movie network, yada yada yada. What I am really yearning for is to push myself to the limit. To test myself and my own limitations. And to do something with such discipline and focus for a certain amount of time that I am rewarded with excellence!
And a more horrible thought hit me. What am I really good at? What do I really excel at? Singing, dancing, acting, directing, negotiating, comedic timing, listening to people, working hard, are some things just to list a few that people might say...but none of which I have ever really committed to fully. So how is it then that I am able to have some success in my life? And then an even WORSE thought hit me! Winging it. I am really good at winging it! Fake it til ya make it should be stamped on my forehead! I am a professional winger! Oh shit, I thought. Are you kidding me? That's what I am really really really good at? This is what people who truly know me are going to say about me when I die? Sonya Rose Henning was a lovely girl, though she never was to good at any one thing, boy she sure knew how to wing it!!
Shit! No wonder I am tormented by my own psyche who has known this all along but was to afraid of the ego to let her know. Well the day has come, she spilled the beans. Great!
I am sure at some point in the near future this will turn into some great motivational and inspirational moment for me where I turn my life around and commit to everything and go for it right? For now, it just seems overwhelming, embarrassing, and as if I now should go back and redo everything I have ever done. Learns my lines more thoroughly, listen more clearly, redo that paper that I turned in last minute, read the script before I perform, study before I take the test, research a company before I interview, and the list goes on and on!
But mostly, I now understand this incessant need to go, run, jump, scream, and fully experience life to the fullest. Push my body, my mind, my soul. Everything I have. Excel! Reach my full potential. That is success. Reaching your full potential.
Tomorrow is another full day. And so is the next and the next. But in the next week or so I am going to come up with a plan. A real life plan.
Good night
Level: 4
Frequency: Gaps
Something hit me however as I was watching the kids. I started to get the itch. I always get this itch. I looked at the girls dancing and I realized how lucky they were to be in that moment and how in many ways that moment has passed for me. They are in the best shape of their lives, getting to wear costumes, their parents pay for everything, they didn't have to go through some rigorous auditioning process laced with failure, self-doubt and hatred, finished with a sucker punch to the ego. They are in essence free and innocent. That is a beautiful thing. What may be more beautiful is that they have no idea, they are completely unaware of this. And even if someone, like me, were to tell them, they would have no concept of it whatsoever. What a sweet life ignorance is.
So I am sitting there thinking all of these thoughts, yearning to be out there. But although I have felt this many times and thought similar thoughts before, here is the one thought that had never occurred. Why? Why do I so desperately feel the need to be there? Do I feel the need even to be there or just somewhere? And then it hit me. The specifics don't matter. Dancing on stage, singing on Broadway, working for a major movie network, yada yada yada. What I am really yearning for is to push myself to the limit. To test myself and my own limitations. And to do something with such discipline and focus for a certain amount of time that I am rewarded with excellence!
And a more horrible thought hit me. What am I really good at? What do I really excel at? Singing, dancing, acting, directing, negotiating, comedic timing, listening to people, working hard, are some things just to list a few that people might say...but none of which I have ever really committed to fully. So how is it then that I am able to have some success in my life? And then an even WORSE thought hit me! Winging it. I am really good at winging it! Fake it til ya make it should be stamped on my forehead! I am a professional winger! Oh shit, I thought. Are you kidding me? That's what I am really really really good at? This is what people who truly know me are going to say about me when I die? Sonya Rose Henning was a lovely girl, though she never was to good at any one thing, boy she sure knew how to wing it!!
Shit! No wonder I am tormented by my own psyche who has known this all along but was to afraid of the ego to let her know. Well the day has come, she spilled the beans. Great!
I am sure at some point in the near future this will turn into some great motivational and inspirational moment for me where I turn my life around and commit to everything and go for it right? For now, it just seems overwhelming, embarrassing, and as if I now should go back and redo everything I have ever done. Learns my lines more thoroughly, listen more clearly, redo that paper that I turned in last minute, read the script before I perform, study before I take the test, research a company before I interview, and the list goes on and on!
But mostly, I now understand this incessant need to go, run, jump, scream, and fully experience life to the fullest. Push my body, my mind, my soul. Everything I have. Excel! Reach my full potential. That is success. Reaching your full potential.
Tomorrow is another full day. And so is the next and the next. But in the next week or so I am going to come up with a plan. A real life plan.
Good night
Level: 4
Frequency: Gaps
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
June 17th, 2015
Felt tired today again. Not as tired as yesterday but still kinda blah. I felt like I had a lot of free time on my hands today and I didn't know why. I kind of didn't know what to do with myself for a minute. Had a big lunch so I wasn't even hungry enough to eat any dinner. Which is good because it is also the first day that I did not work out. Maybe I should wake up super early tomorrow and work out before I start work at the Belmont. Hmm...yeah, no. Unless I wake up naturally and feel awake enough to drive. Watched several Departures shows today. I am feeling such a pull to travel after going on the road trip with Debbie. Watching the shows just makes me want to quit everything and travel for a year. I have always dreamed of that but didn't know if I would actually like it or not. After doing barely a week road trip with Debbie, I am now sure that I would LOVE it! I could get used to being on the road.
This is why, Emerging Artists is my platform. EA will be successful enough for me to continue my acting career and go out on the road. I can feel this. I know this. I love this and am so excited by this. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I do have a little ways to get there. But I do feel like it's close!
I don't feel in balance or on track today. Normally this would make me give up, eat crap, not work out, be sloppy and lazy. But I am going to push past that feeling and learn to be comfortable with that feeling. I just need some time on my own without any distraction to figure out a plan. A plan for EA and a plan for how I am going to accomplish my dreams. I am doing good on the maintenence stuff, eating habits, working out and that is big. I can feel it becoming more and more natural and routine which makes it easier and I love it. Now I must figure out a path to integrate my bigger goals. Again, I may be getting ahead of myself. I am grateful for the things I have accomplished in the past ten days. I do feel better overall and think it is a great lifestyle change. I know I need a little more time really letting this routine and way of life sink in before I add anything else to it.
I want to travel the world
Become an equity actor
Star in a film or tv show
Now, the parts I do not know, that I am leaving up to fate are whom I am going to choose as a partner in life and if and when I am going to have children. I want to meet someone that I fall in love with and I can share my life, who likes similar things and is the happiest and most genuine human being. Warm, kind, romantic, in love with me, sexy, a great dad, deep, funny. I want us to share our love with children. I am so excited for those moments. But I think I need to let the who and when of that go. To try and control it would be to take away one of the most amazing parts of life, surprise! So I think I will focus on what I can conceivably control and let the universe take care of the rest.
So I guess as far as William goes, because I have been thinking about him a lot, time will tell. I am working to let go of the past and live in the present. I am going to focus on what makes me happy.
Night night. :)
Level: 5
Frequency: Sporadic
This is why, Emerging Artists is my platform. EA will be successful enough for me to continue my acting career and go out on the road. I can feel this. I know this. I love this and am so excited by this. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I do have a little ways to get there. But I do feel like it's close!
I don't feel in balance or on track today. Normally this would make me give up, eat crap, not work out, be sloppy and lazy. But I am going to push past that feeling and learn to be comfortable with that feeling. I just need some time on my own without any distraction to figure out a plan. A plan for EA and a plan for how I am going to accomplish my dreams. I am doing good on the maintenence stuff, eating habits, working out and that is big. I can feel it becoming more and more natural and routine which makes it easier and I love it. Now I must figure out a path to integrate my bigger goals. Again, I may be getting ahead of myself. I am grateful for the things I have accomplished in the past ten days. I do feel better overall and think it is a great lifestyle change. I know I need a little more time really letting this routine and way of life sink in before I add anything else to it.
I want to travel the world
Become an equity actor
Star in a film or tv show
Now, the parts I do not know, that I am leaving up to fate are whom I am going to choose as a partner in life and if and when I am going to have children. I want to meet someone that I fall in love with and I can share my life, who likes similar things and is the happiest and most genuine human being. Warm, kind, romantic, in love with me, sexy, a great dad, deep, funny. I want us to share our love with children. I am so excited for those moments. But I think I need to let the who and when of that go. To try and control it would be to take away one of the most amazing parts of life, surprise! So I think I will focus on what I can conceivably control and let the universe take care of the rest.
So I guess as far as William goes, because I have been thinking about him a lot, time will tell. I am working to let go of the past and live in the present. I am going to focus on what makes me happy.
Night night. :)
Level: 5
Frequency: Sporadic
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
28 for 28: June 16th 2015
Grr..I don't even want to write right now because the day was not very exciting. I felt pretty tired all day long and couldn't really shake it. And I don't know why I was tired either. I got good sleep, eat well, am not pmsing. It is so frustrating to be tired. I felt like I was in low gear all day and was not really motivated to do anything. Not fun.
Level: 6
Frequency: Often
Level: 6
Frequency: Often
Monday, June 15, 2015
28 for 28: Day 1
It is always hard to write when you have to. I guess I don't really have to but I do want to document my life. Today I started a challenge for myself. I want to change my life and become a better person. So for the next 28 days, I am going to do just that. I am 28 years old and I have 28 days. I want to be a healthier, more connected, grounded, kind, and organized person. By no means do I think I will be able to go from 0-100 in a month but I want to make a valiant effort to get a head start.
I want to live with conscious awareness. I want to live with purpose and meaning, spirit and thoughtfulness. I want to do the most good I can and experience the most out of life while I am here. And lastly, I want to inspire others, leave behind a legacy that carries on far past my own life.
The message has always been and will always be: beauty. But not in the sense of aesthetics, in the sense of wholeness, oneness with the Earth. The beauty of our lives, of all life, this amazing world we live in, and that there is beauty in everything. Enjoy the moment.
I want to follow through.
I want to live with conscious awareness. I want to live with purpose and meaning, spirit and thoughtfulness. I want to do the most good I can and experience the most out of life while I am here. And lastly, I want to inspire others, leave behind a legacy that carries on far past my own life.
The message has always been and will always be: beauty. But not in the sense of aesthetics, in the sense of wholeness, oneness with the Earth. The beauty of our lives, of all life, this amazing world we live in, and that there is beauty in everything. Enjoy the moment.
I want to follow through.
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