June 17th, 2015

Felt tired today again. Not as tired as yesterday but still kinda blah. I felt like I had a lot of free time on my hands today and I didn't know why. I kind of didn't know what to do with myself for a minute. Had a big lunch so I wasn't even hungry enough to eat any dinner. Which is good because it is also the first day that I did not work out. Maybe I should wake up super early tomorrow and work out before I start work at the Belmont. Hmm...yeah, no. Unless I wake up naturally and feel awake enough to drive. Watched several Departures shows today. I am feeling such a pull to travel after going on the road trip with Debbie. Watching the shows just makes me want to quit everything and travel for a year. I have always dreamed of that but didn't know if I would actually like it or not. After doing barely a week road trip with Debbie, I am now sure that I would LOVE it! I could get used to being on the road.

This is why, Emerging Artists is my platform. EA will be successful enough for me to continue my acting career and go out on the road. I can feel this. I know this. I love this and am so excited by this. I don't want to get ahead of myself though. I do have a little ways to get there. But I do feel like it's close!

I don't feel in balance or on track today. Normally this would make me give up, eat crap, not work out, be sloppy and lazy. But I am going to push past that feeling and learn to be comfortable with that feeling. I just need some time on my own without any distraction to figure out a plan. A plan for EA and a plan for how I am going to accomplish my dreams. I am doing good on the maintenence stuff, eating habits, working out and that is big. I can feel it becoming more and more natural and routine which makes it easier and I love it. Now I must figure out a path to integrate my bigger goals. Again, I may be getting ahead of myself. I am grateful for the things I have accomplished in the past ten days. I do feel better overall and think it is a great lifestyle change. I know I need a little more time really letting this routine and way of life sink in before I add anything else to it.

I want to travel the world
Become an equity actor
Star in a film or tv show

Now, the parts I do not know, that I am leaving up to fate are whom I am going to choose as a partner in life and if and when I am going to have children. I want to meet someone that I fall in love with and I can share my life, who likes similar things and is the happiest and most genuine human being. Warm, kind, romantic, in love with me, sexy, a great dad, deep, funny. I want us to share our love with children. I am so excited for those moments. But I think I need to let the who and when of that go. To try and control it would be to take away one of the most amazing parts of life, surprise! So I think I will focus on what I can conceivably control and let the universe take care of the rest.

So I guess as far as William goes, because I have been thinking about him a lot, time will tell. I am working to let go of the past and live in the present. I am going to focus on what makes me happy.

Night night. :)

Level: 5
Frequency: Sporadic